The Danger of Toxic Positivity and Finding a Better Way
“Look on the bright side.” “Put on a Happy Face” OR: “There’s no hope.” “We’re going down the tubes.” These extremes are prevalent these days. How do we deal with challenging situations both in our personal and collective lives? Some promote the always-positive approach — at the extreme, toxic positivity; others focus only on negatives.
Toxic Positivity
Positive thinking is usually a good thing. It can also be dangerous and toxic when taken to an extreme.
You may be asking questions like these. How can positivity be toxic? Can a positive person potentially poison themselves and others with a relentlessly upbeat outlook? How are you supposed to get over life’s many difficulties if you don’t adopt a positive attitude?
As with many things, toxic positivity is an extreme approach that includes no acceptance of painful or difficult experiences. Think positive! Keep going! No matter how our situation is, keep a positive mindset! Power through. Psychotherapist Babita Spinelli defines toxic positivity as:
“A belief that no matter how painful a situation is or how difficult, an individual should maintain positivity and change their outlook to be happy or grateful.”
What Toxic Positivity Can Look Like
We can find examples of toxic positivity within our collective experience of the COVID-19 pandemic. Even in the face of millions of worldwide deaths and a virus that seemed unstoppable, many people flaunted their toxic positivity. They refused to even entertain the idea that they would become victims. Videos were posted on social media of people gathering in the hundreds without wearing masks and social distancing.
Those people put themselves and their loved ones in danger because they ignore reality. They dismissed any negative emotions and responded to distress with an absolute refusal to accept that the world was presenting them with anything but the rosiest of pictures. The Psychology Group speaks of this relentless positive outlook as “… the dark side of the ‘positive vibes’ trend.” They define toxic positivity as:
“The excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. Toxic positivity leads to the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.”
Toxic Negativity
In the midst of the pandemic we also saw attacks on public health experts who continued to study and update recommendations during this fast-spreading pandemic — and on those who were following the guidance. Toxic negativity polluted the dialogue and created great conflict. We became familiar with gaslighting too — the practice of causing someone to question their reality (Miriam Webster dictionary) by systematically feeding them false information.
Avoiding the Extremes
Toxic positivity can ruin relationships because the person presenting the “positive at all costs” mindset can be deemed insensitive or dismissive. A person can become ill-prepared for hard times when they fail to accept and deal with harsh reality. Toxic Negativity sucks the life out of a room or a relationship. Being critical of everything, assigning negative motivations or descriptions to everything the person disagrees with — it’s almost impossible to have a discussion with that person. There’s no room for finding positive solutions.
Somewhere in the middle is positive and realistic thinking. It can sound like “I/we can get out of here. I know this might look like a difficult situation right now, but if we use our heads and keep our wits, we can figure a way out.” We begin digging, climbing, and doing whatever we can to improve the situation. We think positively but not unrealistically. An approach that addresses the situation directly and right away is better than just having a seat and hoping for the best.
A combination of realistic responses to negative situations and a positive attitude that you can get through them is the recipe for success when dealing with life’s hardships. Adopt a positive outlook. Positive people have been proven to live longer than those who embrace negativity 24/7. Just be sure you don’t ignore negative feelings or life events.
In addition to this, protect yourself from people who exhibit toxic negativity. Limit your exposure to them. Set boundaries. Cut tirades short.
These two books provide much more information on this topic. Check them out.
Toxic Positivity, Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed With Being HappybyWhitney Goodman
This article was first published on my blog: https://carolbrusegar.com/toxic-positivity/
I’m Carol Brusegar, author, photographer and curator of information. My focus is on gathering and writing on topics that enhance all our lives — regardless of our age. Topics include health and wellness, personal development, innovation and creativity, and a variety of helpful, practical tools and practices. I have a special interest in helping people over 50 years of age to create their 3rd Age — the next stage of their lives — to be the best it can be. Visit my Amazon Author Page to find my published books: https://amazon.com/author/carolbrusegar
